Britney Spears posted a series of audio clips on her Instagram page in which she talks about her estrangement from her two sons, Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden, 15.
In the five-part audio recording, Spears, 40, details everything from her sadness at losing touch with her boys to her troubled relationship with her father, Jaime Spears, saying that she “prays that he burns in hell”. In a interview with 60 Minutes Australia which aired last week, Jayden defended her grandfather, saying people “don’t realize how much he cares about her.” The teenager and his brother both live with their father, Kevin Federlinewho claimed that his ex-wife’s social media activity embarrasses boys and keep them away.
In the audio clip, Spears reflects on the pain she felt at not having her children with her, saying she feels like “a big part of me is dead.”
“I used to have my kids, at one point, more than Kevin,” she says. “People don’t remember that part because they always focus on the negative, but when they were 6-9, I was them 70. % of the time. Since they left, I honestly feel like a big part of me died. Literally, I have no purpose .They were my joy, they were everything to me…that was what I lived for.And then all of a sudden, they were gone, and I was like, oh my god, did my heart just stop beating? Honestly, I don’t understand how it’s so easy for them to interrupt me like that. I don’t understand it.”
Spears also addresses her feelings about her father, who placed her daughter in guardianship in 2008 after multiple hospitalizations, and reflects on her previous response to Jayden’s statements. (In a Instagram post dated Sept. 2, the singer responded to her son’s criticism of his risque posts by saying, “Sorry, you think I’m doing this for attention. I’m sorry for how you feel. But guess what? I have news for I am a child of God and we all are in the eyes of God. So NO, I’m not sorry. I’ve learned to say THUS!!!”
In her new audio clip, however, Spears says that comment should have been directed at her father.
“Telling me I’m a child of God is something I shouldn’t have told you,” the pop star clarified. “It’s something I should have told my father. I was always told that the only one who can fix your heart is the one who broke it. Go to the source. But that will never happen, because I pray that he burns in hell.”
She also explains that she used to attend AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings under her father’s supervision, and that she “never got to miss any meeting”.
“The way my dad did it for me, I had to go no matter what,” she says, describing her treatment as “cutting me off from everything I knew… I felt like they were trying to kill me.”
Her desire to be heard these days comes from years of being forced to remain silent, Spears says.
“With my kids now, saying she’s not good enough, she wants attention, ‘yes, I want to be heard and I’m angry,'” she explains. know is that my love for my children is more than anything, and I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way.”
She ends the recording with a message for her sons.
“In the meantime, Jayden and Preston, I love you guys. I heard you blocked me. Hope you guys are using your punching bag I gave you,” she said. “You are amazing in the gym. Happy advance birthday. You can do pull-ups. Wow. You are great at everything you do. I’m so lucky to call you mine, and I just want you to know that I apologize. exonerate me, my ignorance by saying “therefore” to you – it was intended for my father.”