Camila hair never shied away from it Viewing body shaming commentsbut the singer still struggles with insecurity when photographed in a bikini, she admits in a candid new note to fans posted to Instagram on Saturday.
In her note, Cabello shared how she spent the day at a Miami beach club where she was regularly “papped” or stalked by the paparazzi. Being photographed in a bathing suit has always made her feel “super vulnerable and unprepared,” and this weekend’s visit was no different. Despite sporting a new bikini and a “fucking cute outfit,” the “Havana” singer felt “self-conscious” and was keenly aware of the paparazzi documenting her time on the beach, and annoyed at photos showing them could come out and how they make her feel about her body.
“I held my core so tight my abs ached and I wasn’t breathing and barely smiling and I was so unsure of where the paps were the whole time that I couldn’t let go and relax and do what we were supposed to be doing and when we go to nature,” Cabello wrote, adding that she also avoided eating “anything too heavy” before heading to the beach. “I got tired of pretending they weren’t there but I couldn’t and I caught my breath from my sun lounger to the sea. … I knew I looked ‘good’ in the pictures and I thought I would feel fulfilled and yet I “I’ve never had a worse time at the beach. I felt the emptiness and sadness of our culture’s thoughts flowing into my thoughts became.”
The former Fifth Harmony member also shared how she used to feel carefree when she was at the beach until she was photographed and shamed.
“I’ve worn bikinis that were [too] small and didn’t care how I looked, then saw pics online and was so upset,” admitted Cabello, who opened up about feeling “unsafe” last summer about her body after paparazzi photos of her went viral, prompting some negative comments.
Speak with bustle Last August, she described feeling like “my body insecurities went down” after she shut down body shamers online. “No matter what images come out or what people say, I control the narrative now,” she added.
But in her heartfelt post on Saturday, Cabello noted that while she can recognize how toxic society’s body standards can be and does the work to distance herself from them, she still wants to “look good.”
“I remembered when it affected my self-esteem that I was thinking the culture’s thoughts and not my own,” she wrote. “A culture so accustomed to an image of what a ‘healthy’ woman’s body looks like is completely unreal for many women. Photoshop, restrictive eating, overtraining, and choosing angles that make our bodies look different than how they are in the moment and in their natural form, when we take deep breaths, when we eat, when we let the waves push us around, remember I follow it, listen to podcasts about intuitive eating, follow women who accept their cellulite, stretch marks, tummies, bloating and weight fluctuations… and still. I’m a single woman in my 20’s in the middle of a lot of commercials and I want to feel good about myself.'”
After her recent run-in with the paparazzi on the beach, the Cuban-born star felt compelled to speak openly about how she felt that pressure.
“We see pictures of women and we praise them for looking good, for looking fit or ‘healthy,’ but what is health when you’re so fixated on what your body looks like that your mental health suffers and you can’t enjoy your life Who am I trying to look attractive to and am I attractive even to myself if I can’t let go and relax and have fun and be playful on a beautiful day at the beach?” she wrote. “I’m still not at the point in my journey where i can’t give a shit intellectually i know how i look certainly not how healthy happy or sexy i am emotionally the message i get our world is loud in my own head.
“Ironically, all the therapy, all the inner work, is trying to make myself feel like a 7-year-old me on the beach again,” Cabello continued recently spoken You Mexico about trying to reconnect with her childhood self by speaking Spanish. “I mourn her today. Happy, silly, breathing, pretending to be a mermaid, FREE.”
Cabello, whose vulnerable post received a torrent of support, also spoke out about speaking out against body shaming during a performance The Late Late Show last year.
“I thought, you know what, that’s normal. It’s like my weight is going up and down.” she said to James Corden. “Also we have these crazy beauty standards from damn Instagram of people being photoshopped or if it’s not photoshopped it’s not every woman’s body.”
She continued, “We’re real women and we have curves and we have cellulite and we have fat. And it’s like a lot just having these crazy, unrealistic standards that make us feel bad about ourselves and make us feel okay. To go out, I have to hide my body or put on a big shirt .”
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